Terminated: Almost 20 years wasted.

To all my friends who asked me what was wrong on the other day. I was officially fired on Thursday by my boss.
It's sad really. After spending months of dealing with their demands and trying my best to improve my writing skills according to their "standards" on top of continuing to finish my writing assignments. I was called into the conference room where he handed me my termination papers and asked me to leave immediately. Though it was annoying to see the boss standing there with a smile on his face and even though I should be angry I wasn't the least bit surprised. In fact my friends have told me that I should file a lawsuit for discrimination.

Since the threat of the contract being up for grabs everything I knew about my employers and my job has changed. The attitude, the constant threat that we'd be victims of a company-wide layoff. I should have left when I started having feelings of dread driving to work ... but I didn't because I had hoped it would improve and that I had nothing to worry about. So ... it was really my fault ... I lied to myself. I continued working even when I was depressed. I continued to smile even though I wanted to cry. I told jokes when I wanted to scream. Stayed calm when I wanted to just go home and lock the doors.

Am I angry about it? .... No.
Disappointed? .... Yes.
Do I blame anyone? ... Not really.

When I stopped feeling any sort of ownership to the publication, I should have known enough to leave it. I cheated myself by not moving forward and taking that job in death valley when it was offered six months ago or that job in Pennsylvania three years ago. I got to comfortable with working at the paper that I didn't think that waiting another year would make a difference. That I had time to make a gaming dream a reality.

Honestly, I was bored. I was tired of writing the same stories week after week, month after month and year after year. I needed a change of pace or new stories to write. In the past I just traded sections with someone and it got better, even stayed as just a general writer. Oh well.

I never had a degree in journalism. So I didn't really belong in that world anyways. But I really wanted to make it work. So I took writing courses when I could at the local community college and passed. But I still liked the idea of being a graphic artist. When I sat in Betty Abney's chair the day she had a seizure and was carried away by ambulance, it was supposed to have been a temporary position until a new writer was hired. I was the graphic artist and typesetter, that's what I applied for and that's what I wanted to do. Who knew those weeks would become years.

But, like I said before, I knew this would happen sooner or later. Just bad timing, since my interviews with a company in Michigan and California would not take place until summer now because of the current economy situation. So I need to find a job until then.

I'm still attending the meetings with iMU Canada, have a few more documents to help Robert with. He's taking care most of that at the moment. I'm still keeping touch with the guys of bForsaken Studios and Digital Dreamland Productions. In fact we finished three stories and working on a group story. It will be great to see a story that all my friends from iMU, bForsaken and I have been working on all last year coming to life and finally becoming a game.
Will I miss working at the papaer? Perhaps. After all, it became the only thing I knew. It was where I found alot of the cool friends I have today. But I allowed myself to get so used to it that I never really looked into my future and thought hard about what I wanted to do. Until almost 20 years later.

So what will I do now? Survive. Like I always have. Even if it means sucking in my pride and flipping burgers at burger king. Until then. To all my Metal Gear Solid friends, see you on the virtual battlefield until the next chapter of my life begins and those on Soul Caliber 4 ... I need to destress and ninja kick something, so I will see you guys online in 10 minutes. That means you too Parrish.