Life Unemployed - The Changes I've Noticed in Myself this Year

As I say goodbye to 2009 and prepare for a new year I couldn't help but noticed the changes I've gone through since my life was turned upside down in January. It's kind of strange in that after spending the previous years believing I found a job I sort of enjoyed. I said "sort of" because I really wanted to get into gaming more and enjoyed working at the newspaper even less. Well. I still liked working at the newspaper, just enjoyed working with certain people there less and less.

I have worked with great people to include awesome supervisors and co-workers, the office often changed as people come and go. When the last of these great people left for whatever reasons they had, I found myself working with co-workers and supervisors using cut-throat tactics "to save their sorry asses." Though there are still a few I can honestly say are hard-working individuals with hearts of gold. I still found myself giving up weekends and evenings so this newly formed "girlfriend" click can have their group lunches at fancy restaurants with other "girlfriends" while I write the stories they didn't really want to write and over time I took the stories with odd hours just to get away from the office using my "comp" time to escape the nonsense. But I also experienced something that I never had to deal with before during my years there.

Having felt betrayed by someone I thought was a friend. But it was my fault for not seeing through the deception until it cost me my job.

When the major changes started taking place in 2008, I would often experience depression, sadness, exhaustion, feelings of being burnt-out, having my confidence shaken often and I even felt anger. The anger was mostly from being harassed daily by a certain co-worker who thought he was "god's gift to women" and though I complain, it was laughed off and was told I was being too dramatic.

But that is now in the past, I keep in touch with those great people I had the honor of working with or met during one of my many assignments and enjoy their words of wisdom and encouragement even today.

In my mind I have cast those who did me harm during my employed years into the dark reaches of hell where they can hang their coats of deceit upon the horns on their heads and rest their cloven hooves in the fiery paradise they made for themselves and have kept moving forward never to look back ... ever. A friend recently ask if I would ever consider going back to that office if they called me. My reply was not only "No" but "HELL NO!" I'd soon spit in their eye and walk away before returning to that nightmarish job again.

After the bout with illness resulting from depression and extreme sadness I have taken to blogging at the request of my good friends and have now found peace as well as a few job offers here and there. And while I'm still unemployed, I have hopes there is a job out there for me.







But there is a whole new set of changes I've noticed that took place this year. Now that the demons are cast aside I have found myself becoming the people that once annoyed me. For example:

1) When shopping for groceries, I have become the customer rifling through a wallet filled with coupons at the checkout counter. I have learned to shop the "Store-Brand" products to save money and when available bought groceries in bulk. Even if I didn't really need the 9 extra TV dinners, if it says 10 for $5 ... put it in the cart. Bought cereal in the giant bag beneath the name-brand ones and store them in tupperware containers. Select items I have coupons for first, then go back and get the items I need.

2) Gaming. Used games are just as good as the new ones and often much cheaper. Trade any and all games I know I won't ever play again for the ones I really want. Reserve the game I really want months in advance and slowly pay it off when I can.

3) Bills. Pay at the start of the month regardless of when its due.

4) House Cleaning. Prioritize everything throughout the week and do those chores in order. Starting with vacuuming, sweeping and mopping on Sundays. Trash or store unnecessary things around the house like old magazines, photos, craft projects and memorabilia I don't even look at anymore. Air the house out on Wednesdays because nothing beats fresh air even in winter. Bulk cooking on Saturdays for the following week and storing them in tupperware containers. That way if there's a day I don't feel like cooking, I can just toss it in the microwave and viola! Dinner in 5 minutes or less.

5) Clothes shopping. I have become my mother when it comes to shopping for clothes. I tug, pull and search every inch of all shirts, pants or shoes for loose threads, rips and stains before considering it for purchase. Bargain-rack clothes and shoes are just as good as the name-brand clothing on the regular shelves.

6) Discount Stores Galore. No longer afraid of buying clothes from places like Roses, Big Lots, Treasure Mart and Thrift Stores. Even if you find yourself deciding which Coffeemaker/Toaster Oven/Muffin Warmer kitchen accessory with a timer to buy. The one with the Rusty Wallace or Dale Earnhardt NASCAR Number painted on it. (True story if you don't believe me go to Treasure Mart on Hope Mills Road.)

As I look up at the sky past all those stars and planets and whatever else is floating up there. I can't help but wonder what the new year will bring, if anything I hope to have a new job soon and maybe find new adventures in life waiting for me around the corner.

Life Unemployed -- What's sitting next to you at the ESC?

Finally a break through, I'm called to the unemployment office to take a typing and spelling test to qualify for a job they want to recommend me for. But before we get to that let me explain, getting up at 8 a.m. has become harder since .. there really isn't a goal other than waking up in the morning these days. But I managed to get up at 6 a.m. and even ate breakfast.

God I love Starbucks in the morning. I miss Starbucks. Okay. Back to the story.

It was an interesting day at the Employment Security Commission's Office, but not because of the test ... no. Much like the job fair, it was the other people waiting to file claims, take tests or even use the job board computers. How entertaining? Well.

Let me put this in YouTube videos to explain. First up. The mismatched Asian American girl faking the cute Asian behavior we often see on television to win the clerks over. Ok. I'm no fashion queen, but School girl outfits are cute when they are worn by little girls, much like the singer in this video, an adult woman wearing a school girl outfit with an outrageous tan makes her look more like a guy. Except in this video the lead singer really is a guy.



Next person to sit near me ... I don't really think he came in to find a job or file a complaint. I think he really is one of the homeless people looking for a warm place to take a nap, so he doesn't really count. But the woman and her two screaming children do. So coming in at number two is a woman wearing more fur than Wookies at a Star Wars convention. Seriously. If it weren't for the screaming we would have never known she had kids. Even the homeless guy went outside to sleep in peace. I'd listen to my MP3 player if it would drown the screaming out, but I have learned no matter how high you turn the volume you will still hear the screaming. Sigh.



Once the kids have settled, they were all over the place like a Gremlin infestation.



Wow. That's enough to keep you entertained while you wait. But just before I was called in the next two were just as entertaining. The smooth guy who thought he could smooth talk to the front of the line only to find out ... he can't file in NC if he lost his job in Virginia but plays it off and tries to smooth talk the lady clerk anyways. Sheesh. All he had to do was ask to use the job board computers, that's open to the public.



The last person that sat near me before I went in to take my tests was the guy still in denial that he lost his job. Believe me, I was riding the denial train for awhile myself. So I know where he's coming from. He kind of reminded me of the sadness I went through before I came to my senses and kept hunting for a job and any gigs that paid like my game blogs. Even in the virtual world on my PlayStation HOME, I meet hundreds like me still continuing to stay connected and out looking for jobs and any paying gig they can find. I do my best to help them and they in turn help me by sending me the links of potential employers and paid gigs available online. Hoping that together we can find jobs for everyone regardless of what niche' they're looking for.



Well after my test I was given the recommendation, I had the interview Monday and await news from this insurance company on Wednesday. So I'll let you know then if I'm employed or unemployed.

Life Unemployed -- Living virtually to forget despair

The new changes to the PlayStation Home has started to take hold. Although I haven't found the blocking option that will take out the "trolls" from my general area or the free camera I can use to photograph my friends and I playing a game together or just being silly, it's still impressive.

I must say I'm impressed with games and personal spaces in general. As I hunt the streets of my area for a part-time or even full-time job only to find disappointment and despair. Find solitude playing my games and writing stories about the games I adore on Facebook or games in general for the two sites I write for. I can count on a pleasant evening in the virtual world. Despite the occasional "trolls" the PlayStation Home has become a second Home for me that my boyfriend Parrish and I can enjoy after an evening of Metal Gear Online or even the new Uncharted 2 Multi-player with friends. Either on the US or Japanese servers and occasionally the European servers.




But all the new updates and changes make living virtually much more appealing. For example, the Neptune Suite, a new personal space on Home that is simply as ingenious as it is gorgeous. I didn't know exactly what I was getting based on a video but I purchased it anyways for $5.99 at the Mall on PS HOME. Why didn't Sony think of this any sooner? Two personal mini-games I can play when I don't want to be bothered by anyone or invite friends over to dance and play a shooting gallery game with them. Check it out:



If only real life can be this interesting at least. So even after spending all day tracking down possible job openings, finding freelance gigs that can at least pay for next week's groceries, more blogging gigs to help pay the bills.

Even though two gaming companies (bForsaken Studios and iMU Canada) are in the process of finding investors to help fund the programmers, writers, artists and the rest of the staff I hope to be gainfully employed before my unemployment funds disappear.

Until then, I know I can come home from a long day of filling out applications, re-writing my resume thirty something times and nervously sit in one of three business outfits that I own for an interview, and turn my PlayStation 3 on and enjoy an evening forgetting that I was unsuccessful in finding a job in my area that day.

Internet Travels: A virtual beach paradise on PlayStation Home

During my travels from country to country via PlayStation HOME, I have found a peaceful spot on the Japanese server I'm sure would become my favorite hangout when I need to meditate or get away from the Trolls on the US servers. The Japanese Home has a new Beach Resort that is ... well ... awesome. Check it out:





Beautiful fish swimming past you as you walk the bottom for buried treasure, dolphins leaping over your head and schools of clown fish swimming beneath the pier. Just don't stay underwater too long, your avatar actually drowns and gets put on the beach somewhere.

There are plenty of rooms available along the pier you can hang out in, a store where you can purchase and dress your avatars in stylish bikinis or snorkel gear. You can even sit on the docks and watch sail boats in the distance sail by or dolphins leaping through the air.

Ahhhhh .... HOME .... i'm loving it.

Attack of the Internet Trolls: Traveling the world virtually to escape them.

First off, I want to ask a question ... where the heck are all the MODs on Home? It seems they have taken a vacation and the "Trolls" (as my friend May calls them) are back in full force in the PlayStation HOME community.

It's sad when a girl like myself can't log into HOME for more than two minutes, before a Troll comes running across central plaza with "You're HOT! Let's talk about me and you .... " blah blah blah .... am I right girls or what? And if that's not all, the obnoxious messages about phone sex, gross questions and disgusting photos begin flooding my inbox. Why is this happening in full force? Because in the past two weeks, not a single MOD who would often offer assistance have gone missing and every second that ticks by becomes less enjoyable and more aggravating.

On the US server no matter how many times you tell them no, stop bothering you or even go away. They keep
pestering you and start talking about how they are ten times better than my
boyfriend and even have the virtual (insert body part of choice) to insult him personally if he happens to be there with me. Reporting them doesn't seem enough to put an end to their nonsense either, so I've taken refuge on foreign servers.

For example, on the Japanese servers I get asked if I have a boyfriend and would I be interested. Tell them you are already taken and they bow politely and excuse themselves with an apology. If my boyfriend is standing there they offer an apology to him as well and go away. No messages, no photos, no pestering. Once and a great while we find one or two Trolls that have escaped the US servers and leaked over but they are quickly reported by everyone around you and you don't often see them again.

On the UK server, simply saying no often drive them away and the same over in Germany. In Hong Kong and Taiwan, I don't get bothered at all by pervs or anyone else there for that matter. They are there to play the games and chat with friends, that's it. Also, they seem to enjoy you trying to speak their language if you know a word or two. And if you're typing it wrong they help you, while you play a Home game with them or even teach you new words to help you make new friends. If you happen to play the same multi-player game they may send you a friend request to join them in a game session.

In Australia, its as bad as the US server so I don't often visit there anymore. Haven't been to the French servers yet and have yet to explore the rest of the world's servers and checking out what games they're playing now while I'm there.

But from what I've seen, there's so much interactivity there like for example. You should have seen the concert in Japan, check it out. There's more on Youtube, see if you can't find me in the crowd in one of them. I'll be wearing a white kimono top, black shorts and black boots raving in the crowd :)





Or over in Hong Kong, where you can be taken to your destination by rocket ship:





Maybe if we didn't have so many trolls behaving badly on Home, Sony may actually do something like this on the US server. Maybe? I've been to several events that were cut short because of the trolls and the cursed bubble machine these trolls like to use to block games, prevent you from entering certain spaces, etc. Like the meeting with the creators of Street Fighter 4 ... only lasted 3 minutes before it ended because trolls went up to these creator's avatar and started doing the running man and cursing at them. When Home first opened, one of the Home managers came to ask what everyone would like to see on Home and again ... a troll started cursing at them claiming X-Box was better and so on.

What is happening to our society? Is there no way to do a better job of disciplining this bad behavior? I'm already dealing with glitchers and cheaters in Metal Gear Online, when I want to relax and go somewhere to unwind the last thing I want to deal with are 14 through 25 year-old perverts flooding my inbox with smut or pestering me when I'm having a chat session with friends. Simply reporting them and then blocking has become a chore ... I'd rather deal with the cheating idiots on Metal Gear than deal with idiots on HOME. At least on MGO you can mow their team down with an AK-47 or throw a grenade over there or even kick them out of the arena to silence them ... on HOME ... well ... its sad really.

Don't get me wrong, I think HOME is still great, but it would be even better if we didn't have to deal with these trolls every single day. But now I have to take up virtual residence on foreign servers to enjoy my experience. There needs to be a better way to deal with rude people other than just report and block. Blocking them just simply means muting their text so you can't read it, but they're still there being a troll.

Well, I guess i'm off to explore the French server. Au revoir pour maintenant mes gamers semblables.

That Boy Needs Therapy!

"Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start" ... if only using a cheat code could make it that simple to wipe perverts off of Sony Home or even the internet these days.

A terrible thing happened on the way to the bowling alley on Home last week. Most of you who have dated try to get along with your love interest's family and such. Well. My potential sister-in-law, who just got a PS3 for her birthday a few months ago wanted to know what Home was all about. Since the Moderators have been set in place the cursing and random idiotic gibberish have been cut down I figured I'd take her to the bowling alley or over to the Resistance home space to play a few games before her friends came over to hang-out and do whatever it is pre-teens do these days.

I was unaware that some pervert was sending her messages via Sony Mail asking if she knew how to perform certain sexual acts and asked if I would participate. This frightened her so much she logged off. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, not that I expected her to trust me enough to explain what happened. All I knew was she told me someone sent her a message asking her if she was gay. I told her to block them and delete the message because he's just one of many random idiots you sometimes run into on Home once and awhile. I didn't know he was continuously sending this garbage to her.

I had to hear all this from my boyfriend who couldn't understand why his little sister wouldn't tell me either, all I knew was his mother was extremely ticked off about it and the girl is now upset. Had I'd known all this was happening I'd have a 28 person virtual mob looking for the jerk within 10 minutes instead of 2 hours later. After a full day the jerk was finally spotted and I sent him a message with a screen full of virtual whoop-@$$! And when I was done, I told my all my friends who were online at the time to block this person and also send a report to Sony as well.

I'd like to give thanks to the guys who helped me track this punk down. Thanks for backing me up!

After threatening to take him to court, he tried to claim that it wouldn't work because he was 14 and this was how he talks to friends and people in general. I explained that this is inappropriate behavior (much much later after I explained how I thought he was full of crap.) While he stood there amazed his little stunt attracted so much attention and between reports went flying to Sony Corporation Headquarters and MODs demanding that this guy's account be banned. He broke down and tried to apologize.

What is wrong with people?

But what I learned from this experience I will share with other gamers who may have kids or younger siblings that frequent HOME:

1) Watch what your kids pick as a screen name. Sometimes the names alone will attract unwanted attention. Don't allow them to use their real names as a screen name. If it wasn't for the embarrassment factor ... parent's should not just create a silly name for the kids, talk to them and agree on one one. And if its too silly they may attract cyber-bullies.

2) Create a sub-account that they can use so you can monitor the messages they receive and send.

3) Explain the proper etiquette to be used on HOME (i.e., never harass people engaged in a game, don't misuse the bubble machine, don't interrupt conversations with stupid comments, cursing or name calling, etc.)

4) Explain to them not to give out personal information such as real name, age, sex or location to anyone. Instruct them to tell the other person: "I'm sorry, but I do not give out personal information on the internet." Most of them will understand and back off.

5) Teach them how to report abusive behavior using the PSP pad within Home.
6) Teach them how to contact a MOD or Sony Guide in the area instead of trying to fight the other person back.

Hopefully this can cut down the perverts contacting your child or any kid in your care while visiting Home. They have to understand that just like in real life, (For example going to the mall) you don't know who's checking you out or what their intentions are so its best to avoid them if possible and learn how to contact proper authorities if help is needed.

"Ask Yuffie" is now officially open

Okay, due to the barrage of messages I've been receiving on my PlayStation account and personal e-mails I'm going to start answering the questions here on my blog ... why not? Right?

Okay, first I want to warn you folks that I'm romantically challenged so ask at your own risk. But I will keep your screen names confidential if that helps. If its about video games I will do my best to help you and well ... if you're asking for a date ... I'm taken but thanks for trying. Good luck next time.

First message I've received (which I've changed the names to protect their identity) is from a guy who asks how do you know if its love.

"Dear Romeo,

There is no true answer to that question. Its ... well ... hmmmm ... There is no definite answer to that question, love can be explained as a mutual feeling, adoration and affection for another person. But with that you must understand. Just like that Guns and Roses song "Every Rose Has A Thorn" so you have to kinda work on not pricking yourself while trying to woo this person.

But you also have to ask yourself, are you really in love with this person or just fascinated with how they look, smells or giggle? If your fascinated ... move on ... do both yourself and the other person a favor. It will end in an epic fall out the moment that cute giggle gets on your nerves, that hot body starts to bulge a little and that cologne or perfume becomes so powerful paint starts peeling off your walls.

You have to go beyond physical appearances, look deep into their eyes and lock glazes with their true self hidden behind the make-up, puffy lips and sculptured body and then ask yourself is this love? Or just adoration of their appearance? If it is love of the true person, find out if they feel the exact same way for you?

Also note you should ask questions ... LOTS OF QUESTIONS ... like ... I dunno ... do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Are you married? Would you be interested in dating someone like me? ... There's no shame in asking that. Okay?"

Second message I've received I can totally answer blind-folded from a guy who sent me email on PSN Home.

"Of all the Final Fantasy Games you've played, which is your favorite?"

Okay FF Fanatic ... if the name YuffietheGreat or photos from the games all over my game profile didn't answer it for you ... IT'S FINAL FANTASY 7!!!!

Okay. That's it for now. Tune in next time.

Life Unemployed -- They Call Me Captain Hopeless

It's been several weeks since I last posted, what I thought was a legalese for "LOSER" actually meant I won. Go figure.

At any rate, I'm still drawing benefits while looking for a job. Sigh. The hunt for the big white whale goes on. But it seems lately the only jobs available are for those with medical degrees and licenses or nurses. All else falls into the "We want you to come work for us for less than minimum wage" category. How's a girl supposed to survive this town for less than $5 an hour? Seriously?

No wonder there are more unemployed people than employed in this town. No one wants to pay enough for people to not only pay their bills on time, but to eat as well as put gas in the car.

But soon, I'm not going to worry about that. Over at iMU Studios the group is in the second round of the investor's program and over at bForsaken Studios the gang is in contact with New Moon Studios who are willing to scratch our backs if we as the saying goes "scratch their backs."

Meanwhile, while all this is falling into place I'm also getting ready for a trip to California for "THE BIG" interview. I don't want to jinx it so I'm not even going to name the company. Those who know me, know exactly who I'm talking about and believe me I would be on cloud nine if accepted. Or somewhere on the streets of LA getting tanked up on alcohol to drown my sorrows. Oops... almost jinxed myself.

But for now I must stay afloat and walk that boulevard of broken dreams and pick up the pieces to rebuild my life. (No pun intended.)

But I do need to keep my head above water. Many good things are coming my way but I must be ready to receive it as anyone who has been unemployed for awhile must do.

Life Unemployed -- Battle between good and evil continues

The results of the hearing was a bit confusing, it's very hard to translate "legalese" into english but from what I gathered I think I lost. Oh my heart aches. But I'm not going to lay down like a floor mat and let these people walk all over me. So I applied for an appeal again. This time with more evidence (I couldn't find earlier) and a little more focus with my approach.

I never go out of my way to scratch someone's eyes out, I'm a more conservative fighter ... an opportunity sniper. I tried to remain cool and collective during the first hearing ... even when some of the things the company came up with were lies even the referee picked up on.

I never once raised my voice or accused them of lying during the interview. Instead I remained calm and collective, but maybe I was too calm and too collective that I didn't explain what needed to be explained. Perhaps I would have won then.

But now that the nervousness of the hearing has passed and the fire-breathing dragon turned out to be more like a den of hungry lions and I was the white rabbit watching my step and preapring to leap out of the way when possible. I know which path I must step in to walk into that den and be heard. To transform that white rabbit into a silver tigress.

This wasn't what I really wanted, I just want to survive until I found a new job. But now that white rabbit has been tossed back into the den.

Life Unemployed -- A fight for my life

I just received a package from the Employment Security Commissions today along with advertisements for legal services. Thought it was odd, but when I opened the package it was a letter to attend an appeals hearing.

Here I thought my life with the company has ended and I would try to rebuild my life. It's been three months since I was terminated and filed for unemployment, it was in February that I would start receiving unemployment benefits and sending out grievance letters to the company about being wrongfully terminated. Since then, they have left me alone after responding back claiming they did nothing wrong.

It has been awhile now and for all I care they can do whatever the hell they wanted to. My main focus at the time is going out every single day searching for a job. And now, I have to attend an appeals hearing because the company decided I didn't deserve the benefits.

My life is now threaten again and if denied benefits I would be forced to move back in with my parents. It's already bad that any credibility I may have left is tarnished when applying for a new job. Now, I'm just hoping the projects that I've been working on in my spare time will soon pay off. But still, that doesn't solve what is about to happen.

I'm now sitting at my computer researching NC laws, shuffling through paperwork from my previous employment for any evidence to support my claims. Through recommendations I have severed most of my ties with former co-workers and so-claimed friends from my Myspace, Facebook, Bebo and other accounts to avoid them finding anything (true or false) to incriminate me and validate the companies reason as to why I should be denied unemployment benefits.

This company that I was once proud of and lulled into a false sense of security has reared its ugly head and now I must battle that dragon with what little armor or shield I own.

I have nothing bad to say about the company, though the years I gave were spent with blood, sweat, tears and enough stress to kill an elephant. And for what? All for the sake of the contract being manipulated by government employees who have no idea nor appreciate the work that goes into making their product successful and willing to brush us off to continue with their lives.

I have nothing bad to say about certain co-workers who have tried to help me or at least listened to my complaints when no one else did, I wish them well. Those I have grievances with I could careless what they do or think and wish them luck with their Karma. Especially when you sit in your office all day painting your fingernails, balance your checkbooks and complain about me to your friends at the main office when you thought I wasn't listening.

As for me, I will most likely swallow my pride and move back to my parent's house. I'm sure my cats would forgive me for taking them out of their secured environment and placing them in a home with four other cats who will attack them on a daily basis. I will continue to write for Gamertell and Gamezebo, iMUStudios and bForsaken Studios where I feel appreciated and encouraged to continue writing through guidance.

My life maybe in turmoil at the moment, but I have always been a survivor and will bounce back soon. Even if I lose this battle, I will still live to fight another fire-breathing dragon later on. But I will not lay down and allow a company to ruin my life that easily.

Life Unemployed -- The Competition

You know its not easy finding a job. But it keeps you focused as you try to escape the depression, anger and annoyances of losing a job. You send the grievance letters in, hoping for some sympathy only to receive back a letter stating its your own damn fault they fired you. You sit at home wondering where you're going to get the money to pay the bills if you can't qualify for the unemployment insurance benefits let alone the Cobra health insurance which barely helps the situation because you have to pay them to cover any health expenses.

After exchanging professionally hateful letters back and forth I finally received unemployment insurance. But its harder to find a job than it is to keep a job. The battle wages on as I try to claim the comphensation I was never given while I worked there.

But while looking for a job, I'm now realizing who I'm competing with for even a grill position at the local fast food joint. And it is scary that these are the people getting the job before I do.

Okay. You know when you go to job fairs, seminars and even job orientation sessions you're supposed to dress professionally as if you want the job? What ever happened to a nice skirt, dress or business suit? The first week after snapping out of my depression, I broke out my best outfit and fixed my hair. Even brushed my teeth for the second time and tossed a breath mint in my mouth as my resume's were printing in my office. I went to the job fair thinking everyone had done the same until I arrived and felt overly dressed as I watched men walking past with their pants down by their knees and girls dressed as if they were auditioning for a part in a music video.

This is what I am now competing with. Whatever happened to dressing for success? I don't think I even have the body to squeeze into a pair of jeans two sizes too small, a blouse that is way too revealing. Whatever happened to light jewelry like simple finger rings? I looked around and all I could see were ridiculous body piercings such as diamond studded nose, tongue, brow and lip rings that clinked when they talked. I hated standing there wondering what else could have been pierced ... no ... more like afraid to think of what else they could have pierced. It was disturbing. When they smiled you can see the diamond studded gold caps covering their teeth. There was one girl I was in line with who even though was a respectful and nice young lady to talk to. She had so many diamond studded gold capped teeth on her lower jaw that it stuck out like one of those cartoon bulldogs. When she spoke saliva flew everywhere ... and that's just one of many young women I had to stand in line with.

The young men and even a few elderly looking adult men wore the baggy jeans that sagged behind their knees. If you were lucky they wore boxer shorts and if not you would stand in line trying not to stare at the butt crack or the barely legible tatoo right above it. You had to watch how close you were standing to them so you didn't get stepped on or kicked by their oversized sneakers that pretty much flopped when they walked and you didn't want to accidentally step on the laces that dragged behind them. The only thing secured on their persons is the do rag and their baseball caps turned backwards.

It's kind of sad and scary that this is what I'm competing with. The younger next-generation.

Terminated: Almost 20 years wasted.

To all my friends who asked me what was wrong on the other day. I was officially fired on Thursday by my boss.
It's sad really. After spending months of dealing with their demands and trying my best to improve my writing skills according to their "standards" on top of continuing to finish my writing assignments. I was called into the conference room where he handed me my termination papers and asked me to leave immediately. Though it was annoying to see the boss standing there with a smile on his face and even though I should be angry I wasn't the least bit surprised. In fact my friends have told me that I should file a lawsuit for discrimination.

Since the threat of the contract being up for grabs everything I knew about my employers and my job has changed. The attitude, the constant threat that we'd be victims of a company-wide layoff. I should have left when I started having feelings of dread driving to work ... but I didn't because I had hoped it would improve and that I had nothing to worry about. So ... it was really my fault ... I lied to myself. I continued working even when I was depressed. I continued to smile even though I wanted to cry. I told jokes when I wanted to scream. Stayed calm when I wanted to just go home and lock the doors.

Am I angry about it? .... No.
Disappointed? .... Yes.
Do I blame anyone? ... Not really.

When I stopped feeling any sort of ownership to the publication, I should have known enough to leave it. I cheated myself by not moving forward and taking that job in death valley when it was offered six months ago or that job in Pennsylvania three years ago. I got to comfortable with working at the paper that I didn't think that waiting another year would make a difference. That I had time to make a gaming dream a reality.

Honestly, I was bored. I was tired of writing the same stories week after week, month after month and year after year. I needed a change of pace or new stories to write. In the past I just traded sections with someone and it got better, even stayed as just a general writer. Oh well.

I never had a degree in journalism. So I didn't really belong in that world anyways. But I really wanted to make it work. So I took writing courses when I could at the local community college and passed. But I still liked the idea of being a graphic artist. When I sat in Betty Abney's chair the day she had a seizure and was carried away by ambulance, it was supposed to have been a temporary position until a new writer was hired. I was the graphic artist and typesetter, that's what I applied for and that's what I wanted to do. Who knew those weeks would become years.

But, like I said before, I knew this would happen sooner or later. Just bad timing, since my interviews with a company in Michigan and California would not take place until summer now because of the current economy situation. So I need to find a job until then.

I'm still attending the meetings with iMU Canada, have a few more documents to help Robert with. He's taking care most of that at the moment. I'm still keeping touch with the guys of bForsaken Studios and Digital Dreamland Productions. In fact we finished three stories and working on a group story. It will be great to see a story that all my friends from iMU, bForsaken and I have been working on all last year coming to life and finally becoming a game.
Will I miss working at the papaer? Perhaps. After all, it became the only thing I knew. It was where I found alot of the cool friends I have today. But I allowed myself to get so used to it that I never really looked into my future and thought hard about what I wanted to do. Until almost 20 years later.

So what will I do now? Survive. Like I always have. Even if it means sucking in my pride and flipping burgers at burger king. Until then. To all my Metal Gear Solid friends, see you on the virtual battlefield until the next chapter of my life begins and those on Soul Caliber 4 ... I need to destress and ninja kick something, so I will see you guys online in 10 minutes. That means you too Parrish.

A virtual date ruined at HOME

Its New Years Eve. My boyfriend and I decided to have a virtual date on the new PlayStation HOME. After weeks of getting him to put his XBox360 aside for one night and join me on the PlayStation Network, and telling him about the wonderful games, funny things he can do and the friendly people he can meet. (Insert the sound of a needle dragging across a record here.)

Wow. What a way to celebrate the new year than to have some jerk making lewd sexual comments to me, racial comments to another person joining us for a game of bowling and insulting my boyfriend. Based on his personal opinion of what he tought about our avatars. While he flamed everyone in the bowling alley, I'm on the telephone stuttering with my boyfriend swearing that not everyone on HOME are jerks. HOME's bowling alley soon erupted into a violent riot of text, fist shaking avatars coming over to scream at the jerk. Eventually a moderator from Sony America shows up to deal with the situation. And the jerk, who I'm convinced is a 17-year-old kid shoving doritos into his mouth with one hand and trying not to pee his pants while laughing at the chaos he's created.

Seriously, is there no etiquette on the networks?