Teaching a Grizzy how to fly a fighter jet

It's been a few years since I grew tired of my N64 and gave it to my father to keep, sell or use it as a bookstand and went to GameStop to purchase a PS2.

Then last Christmas out of the blue he called me at work to ask how to turn on the N64, what kind of games could he play on it and soon ask if he could have the games I already traded-in at GameStop two years ago. So, just to be nice I went back to GameStop, found and purchased all my old game titles and gave them to my dad.

I knew he'd be happy playing Mario Kart, Perfect Dark and Donkey Kong 64 for awhile or get frustrated and put them in storage. I thought he would be happy or put it away. Wondered if he was playing them or if he had put them away. He played two minutes of both games and decided he didn't like them but didn't want to put them away. Instead he wanted a newer game.

Seemed simple enough. I offered to take him to the store with me to pick out a few games because I knew he was picky about what he liked and disliked. I thought he would go with me to the store to pick a game ... I hoped he would go to the store to pick a game. No. He wants nothing to do with the game store because he felt people would laugh at him for wanting a game and asked that I go "pick something" for him to play. So I picked a few war games like Sarge's Army and a few James Bond titles since he was a fan of the movie.

I took them to his house where he asked me how to play the game. I suggested the book that came with it, but he felt I was insulting him and spent a few hours teaching him how to make his characters move and what each button function did in the game. I made sure he knew how to work the game, even played a few levels with him and left for home. I was positive he knew how to play the game ... I hoped he understood how to play the game ... then my cellphone rang. He didn't understand how to play the game and proceeded to ask me what each button function was on his controller and how it relates to the game. So I turn the car around and drive back to his house to go over the controls of the game and helped him beat the first level. This repeats for three weeks and I have a meltdown about pestering me at work about level 4 of the videogame and that unless the house was on fire stop calling me or I'll sell his "bleeping" N64 and use the money for liquor.

Its now Christmas 2006, my dad hasn't called in a while to ask about how to play a level or for new games. In fact he would often report that he was almost done with the game and plans to go to the store to buy a game for himself. I was actually proud of my dad sucking in his pride and going to the videogame store himself. So I cleaned my house, played with my cats, blogged and sent last minute e-cards before going to his house for Christmas dinner.

I get there. My brothers aren't speaking to me. Which meant they just got through having a four hour recount of my dad's time in the Army or they've grown tired of explaining something to him. They explained in great detail the agonizing day of finding a game store that's open and buying him a copy of a flight simulator style game and have been helping him play his new game all afternoon. Dad was proud of himself for finishing his James Bond and Army Men games, and has grown tired of the simulator he's only played with for one hour. Now he wants a PS2. So after New Years, when all my bills have been prioritized and paid I went to buy him a PS2 as a late Christmas gift.

I knew he'd be happy with a few SOCOM titles and even a James Bond title for the PS2. I hoped he would be happy with the SOCOM titles ... I thought he would at least be happy with the James Bond title. He wasn't. Since New Years, I would often go home to find my PS2 games have been raided and since there were no forced entry points on the door or windows. I get a call ... it was dad ... he wanted to know how to get Snake (from Metal Gear Solid) to crawl into a vent.

Every week it seemed someone has rearranged the games I've spent all weekend alphabetizing, grouped and cataloged into my collection. Metal Gear Solid was placed with the Kingdom Hearts, the Devil May Cry with my Parasite Eve series and my Final Fantasy series out of numeric sequence in my library.

This year, I thought I'd buy him the same thing that's in my collection since he still refuses to go to the store for himself. So after Thanksgiving, I went to the black Friday sale at GameStop and left with $30 worth of Metal Gear games and a few Army titles he seemed to have shown interest in.

Wait. My phone is ringing.